How do I know I heard God’s voice?  I do not remember the exact date but I know it was a beautiful summer day in 2007.  I was at the end of my wits.  It was the time when I decided that living was unbearable.  It was one disappointment after another and no matter how hard I tried to make things right, I failed miserably.  There were more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’.  It was too much!  The last straw came after I received news of a personal  situation.  Although, I tried to be strong and brave but I saw it as the last insult and just when I came close to it, an end was put to it and I had no say in it.  Of course, things could have been different it was not. 

I had called a friend of mine after returning from Southern California.  We met, and he always made me smile and laugh.  He always had positive things and around him I felt peace.  What ever worries, concerns, problems and burdens seemed to disappear when I am around him.  

On that day, I called him to have lunch.  It was a goodbye lunch.  I was not moving or traveling anywhere but it was the day when I no longer feared death.  It was the only solution.  The right decision.  I planned it all that week.  I knew that my mother and sister would not be home for hours and by the time they find me there would be no reviving me, it would be too late.  

I had contemplated suicide many times before but it was just thoughts.  I was too scare to die.  Again, on that day there was no more fear.  I was very happy with the decision I have made.  I did not even think how selfish I was.  Yes, selfish!  I, knowing that my mother has health issues and would put her through something like that and my youngest sister as well.  I did not really care at that point.  That is the day, and no one can change my mind. 

I did want to say goodbye to a good friend of mine.  He deserved it as he has been such a loving and caring friend.  He always talked with me about God.  I never stopped because I do believe in God.  I know He exist and I know He is the Creator.  I know that Jesus is God.   We decided to meet at our favorite restaurant at the Marina.  It was such a beautiful day and the restaurant is overlooking the bay.  I always love it.  I can sit there for hours and enjoy the scenery.  As we ate lunch, we laughed and talked.  I told him what I was going to do.  He started talking about God and I could not even remember what he said.  I do know it was making me feel really good but my decision was not going to change.  To end that conversation before we left the restaurant that not even ‘he’ could change my mind.  

He walked me to my vehicle and he came over the passenger area.  He tried very hard to tell me what I was doing is against God.  I told him again, not even he could change my mind.  I remembered looking at him with a smile on my face but he was somber.  I have never seen him sad.  That moment, I saw it on his face.  He said, “I have done everything I can, and I will leave you up to God now”, I smiled again, and said thank you.  Then he closed the door and he went to his vehicle.  As I passed his vehicle, I looked at him and waved and he still had that sad look on his face but my mind is made up.  When I get home, I am taking the bottle of pills that I had bought.  I had already prepared letters to my family explaining as to why I had to do it.

I had turned off my phone because I did not want him trying to call me just to try and change my mind.  I remember driving home.  It was not that far, it was about 10 miles from home.  The sun was bright but it was not bothering my eyes.  I did not turn on the CD player as I normally did.  I wanted to enjoy my final ride.  I was enjoying the beautiful summer day.  

Finally, I am at the exit.  It would just be about 2 miles and I was getting anxious.  As I got near the college nearby there is a major intersection.   I thought, ‘watch me get stuck in that light, it will take longer for me to get home and kill myself’.   

I noticed after awhile that the light for the other side had turned green twice already, and those with arrows also have gone twice but my side is stuck on red.  I waited a little bit more and noticed that the light I am on is taking so long.  I figured it was broken.  I decided I was going onto the next lane and make a right and go around the other way.  I was a bit upset because it is going to take longer for me to get home. 

Suddenly, I heard a man’s voice!  He asked me a question, “Why do you want to kill yourself?”  The first reaction should have been looking at the back seat to see if anyone was there but I know there is no one.  There was no vehicle on the right lane, and none behind me.  I sat there for a few seconds!  Then, the light turned green but I did not move.  I sat there for a few more seconds and I replied…. My reply was in a form of a question.  “Why do I want to kill myself?”  I released the breaks and stepped on the gas and as I passed the intersection there was a convenient store on the right and behind it a  big empty parking space.  I changed lane and went to the parking lot and parked.  I was still in awe about what happened.  

I grabbed my cell phone, turned it on and dialed my friend.  He did not answer.  I sat at the parking lot for a few minutes.  I sat there remembering the sound of His voice.  It was clear.  It was beautiful.  I do not know if God screamed all the way from Heaven but when I heard it, it had such authority in the voice and a peaceful feeling came with it.  I knew at that moment, it could not be anyone “but God”….

I called my friend again and this time he answered.  I was so excited about what happened and after I finished, all he said was “Praise the Lord”.  We decided to celebrate and went to a park and just talked for hours.  It was such a perfect day.

That was the last time, I had ever thought of killing myself.  When I got home, I got rid of the pills.  I threw out the letters and no one except God and my friend knew about it.

I, thank God for that day!  Praise the Lord!


 October 7, 2007, who would have thought how on this day, my life would change?  I certainly did not!  I had no clue!  This is my testimony…… Praise the Lord!

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